It's funny, when you have been living with a serious illness for a few years the abnormality of it all compared to your previous life, fast becomes an obscure reality, an unblinking normality that we embrace subconsciously without concern. Collecting prescriptions, monthly trips to the hospital and medical terminology and abbreviations of our condition follow along with our normal routine, an oblivious parallel be barely notice but ultimately a complete redirection and added responsibility to our lives. Partly this is of course acceptance, as time goes by and ultimately life goes on we absorb this oddities into our environment, a noticeable change that when examined for a second longer than usual is no more abnormal than a broken umbrella in a city centre council bin after a windy and rainy day, you notice it for a moment then brush it off, because of course, there is a logical reason behind it.
Tuesday I was at my renal clinic, the usual round of blood pressure, weight and handing over a urine sample before waiting to see my consultant, whom is now so familiar he is like a friendly, over educated Uncle who thinks he's being 'cool' and down to earth by using (very) mild profanity in the ten minutes you spend with him. It was at this routine appointment, that I must have done at least 50 times over the past three and half years that I think I totally accepted with all positivity, that this was my life now.
It was unremarkable a moment as you could ever imagine, as I sat behind the blue flowery curtain in a side room with a blood pressure sleeve pressing my arm I handed over the little clear plastic tub of pee to the nurse, she placed another empty pot next to me, as I get every time, with a printed label that stated my name, date of birth and hospital number tapped it and smiled "a new one for next time." And with that simple sentence it felt as if the world just stopped for a second and everything made sense. Yes, I thought. There always will be a next time, this is my life and that's ok.
Showing posts with label positivity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positivity. Show all posts
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Cause to complain..
A good friend said to me the other day that she couldn't understand why she had been so upset at the death of someone she hadn't seen for many years, the tragic circumstances refreshing the need to embrace what was truly important to her and not moan about the small things in life.
Over the past few days I have logged into Facebook and saw a long list of complaints, people moaning and groaning at the simple miseries of life and wondered how many people are just having a gripe to draw a bit of attention to themselves and how many of them actually feel hard done by? I am not in any way sitting in judgement, by all means i have been just as guilty of this self indulgence. But it does raise the question of who actually has the right to complain? do we ignore the people that actually do? because we are so swamped with our own selfish complaints we are neglecting those that are more deserving of attention?
I in no way see my circumstances as exceptional and spend most of days thinking how to be normal and avoid moaning too much about by illness. As a person with a chronic disease you are often plagued by the paranoia of other peoples perception of you as a complainer, moaner or pessimist, but shouldn't we be allowed to more than most?
'Normal' life is hard enough for everyone, juggling a full time job, children, broken down cars, sleepless nights, bad colds and going into your overdraft halfway through the month, but combine those pressures with hospital appointments, severe fatigue, taking 9 types of medication in the morning, paying for the prescriptions because they won't make you exempt, the fear you are a ticking time bomb of disease that is unpredictable and ruthless in its attack, the question mark over your ability to have a child, feel exhausted after 2 days at work, the worry that if you get ill again the pressure of the income falls solely on your partner and the knowledge that you don't quite know what the future holds for you health wise.. This is not a complaint from me, there are people far more in need of sympathy than I am, but sometimes we just need to let rip those added layers to our lives and not feel we are embracing the whole 'woe is me' way of life.
I made a vow this year that i would find a positive thing about every day, that i wouldn't think about the hard stuff and just get on. The one thing these experiences are bringing me is that the old sayings are the best and life really is too short, the shit is doled out unfairly at times but small steps will eventually get you to the end of the longest of roads. Don't criticise my positivity, i speak from experience, I have been halfway to hell and back (note only half way not all the way there like some!) when it feels like your world has caved in and the hole just keeps getting deeper. If i can be positive and not complain too much then others can too, just take a breath and consider for a second.. there is always somebody in a worse situation and facing bigger problems than you
At the bottom of the well it is pitch black and cold, on the darker days you can't see the foot holes for your way to the top, on wet days you may slip but on sunny days you can see the climb more easy and take a step up towards the light at the top.
Over the past few days I have logged into Facebook and saw a long list of complaints, people moaning and groaning at the simple miseries of life and wondered how many people are just having a gripe to draw a bit of attention to themselves and how many of them actually feel hard done by? I am not in any way sitting in judgement, by all means i have been just as guilty of this self indulgence. But it does raise the question of who actually has the right to complain? do we ignore the people that actually do? because we are so swamped with our own selfish complaints we are neglecting those that are more deserving of attention?
I in no way see my circumstances as exceptional and spend most of days thinking how to be normal and avoid moaning too much about by illness. As a person with a chronic disease you are often plagued by the paranoia of other peoples perception of you as a complainer, moaner or pessimist, but shouldn't we be allowed to more than most?
'Normal' life is hard enough for everyone, juggling a full time job, children, broken down cars, sleepless nights, bad colds and going into your overdraft halfway through the month, but combine those pressures with hospital appointments, severe fatigue, taking 9 types of medication in the morning, paying for the prescriptions because they won't make you exempt, the fear you are a ticking time bomb of disease that is unpredictable and ruthless in its attack, the question mark over your ability to have a child, feel exhausted after 2 days at work, the worry that if you get ill again the pressure of the income falls solely on your partner and the knowledge that you don't quite know what the future holds for you health wise.. This is not a complaint from me, there are people far more in need of sympathy than I am, but sometimes we just need to let rip those added layers to our lives and not feel we are embracing the whole 'woe is me' way of life.
I made a vow this year that i would find a positive thing about every day, that i wouldn't think about the hard stuff and just get on. The one thing these experiences are bringing me is that the old sayings are the best and life really is too short, the shit is doled out unfairly at times but small steps will eventually get you to the end of the longest of roads. Don't criticise my positivity, i speak from experience, I have been halfway to hell and back (note only half way not all the way there like some!) when it feels like your world has caved in and the hole just keeps getting deeper. If i can be positive and not complain too much then others can too, just take a breath and consider for a second.. there is always somebody in a worse situation and facing bigger problems than you
At the bottom of the well it is pitch black and cold, on the darker days you can't see the foot holes for your way to the top, on wet days you may slip but on sunny days you can see the climb more easy and take a step up towards the light at the top.
BREAKFAST!
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