What will be, will be.

It's funny, when you have been living with a serious illness for a few years the abnormality of it all compared to your previous life, fast becomes an obscure reality, an unblinking normality that we embrace subconsciously without concern. Collecting prescriptions, monthly trips to the hospital and medical terminology and abbreviations of our condition follow along with our normal routine, an oblivious parallel be barely notice but ultimately a complete redirection and added responsibility to our lives.  Partly this is of course acceptance, as time goes by and ultimately life goes on we absorb this oddities into our environment, a noticeable change that when examined for a second longer than usual is no more abnormal than a broken umbrella in a city centre council bin after a windy and rainy day, you notice it for a moment then brush it off, because of course, there is a logical reason behind it.

Tuesday I was at my renal clinic, the usual round of blood pressure, weight and handing over a urine sample before waiting to see my consultant, whom is now so familiar he is like a friendly, over educated Uncle who thinks he's being 'cool' and down to earth by using (very) mild profanity in the ten minutes you spend with him.  It was at this routine appointment, that I must have done at least 50 times over the past three and half years that I think I totally accepted with all positivity, that this was my life now.
It was unremarkable a moment as you could ever imagine, as I sat behind the blue flowery curtain in a side room with a blood pressure sleeve pressing my arm I handed over the little clear plastic tub of pee to the nurse, she placed another empty pot next to me, as I get every time, with a printed label that stated my name, date of birth and hospital number tapped it and smiled "a new one for next time." And with that simple sentence it felt as if the world just stopped for a second and everything made sense. Yes, I thought.  There always will be a next time, this is my life and that's ok.