Karma Influence?

"We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate." - Ven. Mahasi Sayadaw

The other day I knocked over the glass of water sat on my bedside table, swiftly and in clean slow motion, it toppled perfectly to one side, pouring its contents as skilfully as a running tap into my bulging and grubby makeup bag on the floor nearby, before rolling itself with a dull thud into the same flooded mess.  The same makeup i've been procrastinating about cleaning out for weeks,  divine intervention from the universe for being a lazy cow? Or just an ironic coincidence.

As long as I can remember I have been a great believer in fate, destiny and more notably the value of and concept of Karma. As we know,  Karma is a fundamental doctrine in the faith's of Hinduism, Taoism and is commonly recognised and taught throughout Buddhism.  The basic understanding of it being what you give it out to the world, you will get back in return.  When studied, it runs far deeper, delving into the theory of past lives and describes the philosophy as the 'law of moral causation', to understand the inequality of mankind, that our life as we know it is not merely coincidental or by accident, but the result of our past deeds and the actions we undertake in the present.

My belief in this theory is far from spiritual in its origins.  For me its simplicity in explaining an order to your existence, ensures you can make sense of what happens in your life, motivates you to be honest and kind, helps you let go of anger and hurt from those who have failed or done wrong by you all with the rewarding belief that what they have inflicted will return unto them. It's something that I put a lot of certainty in, to keep myself sane from the disorder that my life has become since being diagnosed with lupus.. and so I endorse it by living my life by the simple rule of what you give out, you get back. And by my estimation we are just about due a lottery win!

Don't get me wrong, i'm by no means converting to Buddhism, but I believe when by no fault of your own, you don't have the simplest of lives to live you need to make a little more sense of it.  As long as it's not obsessive and you remain open minded, you have every right to cherry pick from different philosophies or dogma if it helps you understand what has happened to you. Conjecture or not.

If I had to pick holes in it all there is just one, I see good people who have lived honest lives that have suffered the harshest of realities and have to ask myself the question: For security am I sticking with this dubious idea for fear of anymore bad luck in my life?  It's like spiritual Russian roulette, one bad deed and i'm facing a smoking gun. That of course being my health.  I have given up trying to understand the Karma behind my illness and wondering what on earth I did in this life or past to warrant such a beating with the lupus stick. I leave that in the good old hands of fate and hope it has some greater meaning in the long run.  What point is there in hating and being angry, it is a burden that I don't need.  To be truly free is to forgive and accept, even if it means forgiving the unknowable force of mother nature or the hands of fate…

"The universe does have a path for you and will return to you what you bestow on others.  Now, lend me a fiver for a couple of Euromillions tickets"

And so I continue on my slightly unhealthy path of doing good in the hope it keeps me healthy and retaining belief that the universe will get it's own back on arse holes that have put me through the ringer over the years.  I am satisfied in the knowing that I gained experience and strength in my bad times, any person that attributed to it simply earned themselves a dick of the year award and impending bitch slap from the universe.

There are days that are difficult though, there's no escaping that truth. They come from the simplest things, like seeing the unfortunate but very true stereotypes outside the postoffice at 8.30am, unwashed and swearing at their dog with a can of extra strong cider in hand and waiting for whatever government payment they are due. It's these days I wonder how it all really works.. Why I'm the one risking my health going to work to contribute and pay for some who never will? It's these days i'm at my worst, i'm aching, exhausted, teary, stomach in knots from medication and off to do a full days work and  I wonder where karma is. But perhaps the universe knows something that I don't, that by carrying on my route to work when I feel at my worst, i'm actually at my best.